(Ready for a little tongue-in-cheek article about bed bug eradication? We hope so!)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant is sitting before you. They would have you think that bed bugs just moved in and they did nothing to help them. But I am here to prove to you that the defendant has created an environment that is just right for bed bugs to thrive in their bedroom—a little too perfect. By doing so, they provide “comfort and aid” to the enemy. They have betrayed humanity by giving those little vampires a nice place to live.

Defendant, you stand accused of helping the enemy, one that lives on your blood. Here are the charges against you:

You’ve Given Them A Place To Sleep

Not only have you taken the enemy into your home, but you've given them a place to sleep! Sure, some have been enjoying sleeping on your couch, while others might spend their time in the comfort of a futon. Bed bugs are the only ones who have ever enjoyed sleeping on a futon!

But even worse, you've given them the relief of your bed. They're called "bed bugs"; where else did you think they'd end up? Every day, they enjoy the happiness of your bed, whether hiding in the seams of the mattress or in the crevices of your bed frame. And speaking of hiding them...

You’ve Given Them Shelter

Not only have you allowed the enemy a place to sleep, but you’ve also sheltered them! While someone of authority could come in and perform some emergency bed bug removal, the bed bugs aren’t even able to be found, thanks to the fact that you’re sheltering them in your bed frame, dressers, and behind the wood molding. If you weren’t hiding them and giving them a place to be safe during the day, squishing and vacuuming them up would be a breeze.

Luckily for the rest of humanity, we’ve developed a chemical-free, eco-friendly, natural bed bug spray that can get into those nooks and crannies. But you’re not out of trouble yet because...

You’ve Eradicated Their Enemies

Not only have you sheltered the bugs, but you’ve also eradicated the natural bed bug eradicators! We’re talking about what Mother Nature put in place to take care of bloodsuckers. When you find spiders in your bedroom and around your house, what have you done? You’ve squished them or put them outside where they can’t do their patriotic duty of eating bed bugs...that’s right, these are patriotic spiders who bleed red, white, and blue! They safeguard their fellow Americans from being bitten by bed bugs! And if you find ants in your house, which are another enemy of bed bugs, you’ve put down ant traps. Shouldn’t you have been putting down bed bug traps instead? Oh no, that wouldn’t work because that would reduce their numbers. You want more bed bugs, don’t you?

You’ve Encouraged Their Proliferation

We won't sully the court's honor by spending too long on this unfortunate subject. Still, the defendant has given the bane known as bed bugs a place to <ahem> breed. The defendant has supplied his bed for the unfortunate act. He's provided such a comfortable place that the hematophagous pest numbers are more significant than ever! Plus...

You’ve Kept Them Warm

You have provided the bed bugs with a place to live, protected them, encouraged their multiplication, and kept them warm! Bed bugs left outside in freezing temperatures will eventually die, but you’ve given them a warm place to live. Sure, you might say you keep the heater on just because you like to stay warm at night, but we know better. Of course, even if you turned off your heater and let the temperatures drop, they’d still stay warm, wouldn’t they? That’s because you authorize them to cuddle up with you in the sheets, and the warmth of your body is even a signal to them that it’s time for dinner. We know what you’ve been doing for the bed bugs. We know that...

You’re Giving Them Food

J'accuse! That's right; I accused you of giving aid to the enemy by offering up your own body as a smorgasbord for them! You are the Golden Corral of bed bugs, and every night when you go to bed, you give them what they need most to survive: blood! We all know that bed bugs are obligatory hematophagous, meaning they must have blood to survive. Take that away, and you'll be doing humanity a favor. But no, you provide them with a nightly meal so that they can continue their bloodthirsty vindictiveness across the country. That's right...

You’ve Helped The Scourge Spread

Our fair country nearly eradicated the bed bug during the 20th century. We used bed bug killers that, while they weren’t always friendly to the environment (or human health), at least we had them on the brink of extinction. But now that they’re back, how much have you done to fight back? Have you purchased a non-toxic, all-natural bed bug spray? Have you put out your bed bug traps and done your part in their eradication? Have you sought out every bed bug treatment available to you? No!

You took these bed bugs with you. On a trip, you put your suitcase on the bed while you pack it, an open invitation for the bloodsuckers to hop on. Then you took them to hotels, where they spread to other fine, upstanding Americans—other Americans who didn’t aid the enemy, those who fought back and found natural bed bug repellents and insecticides. How dare you, sir, help those horrible creatures thrive and spread?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury...

You have heard the evidence. This person has actively created the perfect environment for bed bugs to live in. There are 90 different species of bed bugs, but the defendant chose to help the only one that prefers human hosts. The defendant has betrayed humanity by letting the bed bugs live when there are perfectly safe and effective bed bug-killing sprays.

Obviously, this person has helped and comforted the dreaded bed bug, and we can only hope you’ll see the damage they have done to the cause. For America, you must convict!

Our natural, plant-based Bed Bug Patrol Killer Spray provides an all-natural solution to infestations of bed bugs, as well as fleas, spiders, and other common indoor bugs. Our 100% natural solution is made in the USA. It relies on the power of natural ingredients like citric acid, clove oil, and peppermint oil to naturally deter these bugs from living in your furnishings and upholstery. Just spray our solution on affected surfaces twice per day, and it will get to work on exterminating your bed bugs and preventing their return. To keep you safe from bed bugs on your travels, arm yourself with our Bed Bug Blasting Travel Spray, which comes in a handy, TSA-approved travel-size bottle for your convenience.